HUMOR AND MORE

 

This page is dedicated to the Humorous side of life. This should be a part of out daily routine to keep us healthy and happy! Forget the phrase "You have nothing to fear But Fear itself"

           Reagan and obama                               So how's that hope and change working?                         

                View Here                                                                          View Here

 

 

A drunk man who smelled of beer sat down on a subway next to a priest. The man's tie was stained, his face was plastered with red lipstick, and a half-empty bottle of gin was sticking out of his torn coat pocket. He opened his newspaper and began reading.

After a few minutes the man turned to the priest and asked, "Say Father, what causes arthritis?"

The priest replied, "My Son, it's caused by loose living, being with wicked women, too much alcohol, contempt for your fellow man, sleeping around with prostitutes and lack of a bath."

The drunk muttered in response, "Well, I'll be damned”; then returned to his paper.

The priest, thinking about what he had said, nudged the man and apologized. "I'm very sorry. I didn't mean to come on so strong. How long have you had arthritis?"

The drunk answered, "I don't have it, Father. I was just reading here that the Pope does."


                                                Makes you wonder.

Jet Lag Click

                                                               PARAGLIDING  

Only one out of every few thousand paragliders winds up dead. But maybe that's due to so few even trying the thrilling sport. Mid-20-something German paraglider Marvin Ogger takes to the skies above slopes and beaches, where he front-flips 11 times. The sand offers a sense of security with no less a sense of adventure.

                                                      Watch the excitment Here

 

                                               Home Schooled

                                         
                 My mother taught me to appreciate a job well done:
  "If you're going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished cleaning."

                          
      My mother taught me religion:
                 "You better pray this will come out of the carpet."

                    
      My father taught me about time travel:
"If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of next week!"

                                
My mother taught me logic:


                             "Because I said so, that's why."

                           
      My father taught me irony:
          "Keep crying, and I'll give you something to cry about."

                    
My mother taught me about contortionism:
             "Just you look at that dirt on the back of your neck!"

                    
My mother taught me about hypocrisy: 
              "If I told you once, I've told you a million times.
                                    Don't exaggerate!"

                          
My father taught me wisdom:
              "When you get to be my age, you'll understand."

                    
  My mother taught me about justice:
 "One day you'll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you!"

 

                                  THE  CREATION

A little girl asked her mother, "How did the human race appear?"

The mother answered, "God made Adam and Eve and they had children, and so 
that's how all mankind was made.."

Two days later the girl asked her father the same question.

The father answered,  "Many years ago there were monkeys from which the
human race evolved."

The  confused girl returned to her mother and said, "Mom , how is it possible
that you told me the human race was created by God, and Dad said they
developed from monkeys?"

The mother thought for a moment--broke into a smile... and answered, "Well,
 dear, it is very simple.  I told  you about my side of the family... and your father told you... about his."

 

                                              HERE'S ONE HAPPY_PENGUIN

                                            Load Time (15 sec)

                                      Click to Watch      Here     

                                                           

                                       Splinters in her crotch
 
A woman from Los Angeles, who was a tree hugger, a liberal Democrat, and an anti-hunter, purchased a piece of timberland near Colville, WA.  There was a large tree on one of the highest points in the tract.  She wanted a good view of the natural splendor of her land, so she started to climb the big tree.  As she neared the top, she encountered a spotted owl that attacked her.  In her haste to escape, the woman slid down the tree to the ground and got many splinters in her crotch. 
In considerable pain, she hurried to a local ER to see a doctor.   She told him she was an environmentalist, a Democrat, an anti-hunter and how she came to get all the splinters.  The doctor listened to her story with great patience, and then told her to go wait in the examining room and he would see if he could help her. She sat and waited three hours before the doctor reappeared.  The angry woman demanded, "What took you so long?"   
 
He smiled and then told her, "Well, I had to get permits from the Environmental Protection Agency, the Forest Service, and the Bureau of Land Management before
I could remove old-growth timber from a "recreational area" so close to a waste treatment facility.  I'm sorry, but due to Obama Care...they turned you down.

                                                                       

THOUGHT I’D LET YOU KNOW ABOUT MY SURPRISE WINDFALL...
 
I won a Nigerian lottery according to an email from a Nigerian prince.
 
 
He holds the sum of ONE MILLION DOLLARS in my name and he wants to send it to me FREE!
All I have to do is give him my bank account numbers and send him $500.00 US dollars cash, to show my good faith so he can transfer the money!
 
And then I got ANOTHER email.
  
It's from a KENYAN prince who wants to give me FREE healthcare for life!
 
 
                    All I have to do is give him:
                    MY BANK ACCOUNT NUMBERS,
                    MY SOCIAL SECURITY NUMBER
                    MY CONFIDENTIAL HEALTH INFORMATION
                    and pay $700 per month for a policy with only
                    a $10,000 deductible.
                    Then he can make it happen!

                                          Am I on a roll or what !!!!

 

                              

                                    An interesting perspective.
 
Unfortunately there is some truth to this considering that most Republicans are conservative, and most Democrats are liberal. 
 
                                                                             
The Fence Test 
You can't get any more accurate than this! 
This is straight forward country thinking.. by  
Jeff Foxworthy

Which side of the fence?  If you ever wondered which side of the fence you sit on, this is a great test!
  If a Republican doesn't like guns, he doesn't buy one.  If a Democrat doesn't like guns, he wants all guns outlawed. 
 
 If a Republican is a vegetarian, he doesn't eat meat.  If a Democrat is a vegetarian, he wants all meat products banned for everyone. 
 
 If a Republican is homosexual, he quietly leads his life.  If a Democrat is homosexual, he demands legislated respect. 
 
If a Republican is down-and-out, he thinks about how to better his situation.  If a Democrat is down-and-out he wonders who is going to take care of him. 
 
If a Republican doesn't like a talk show host, he switches channels.  A Democrat demands that those they don't like be shut down. 
 
  If a Republican is a non-believer, he doesn't go to church.  A Democrat non-believer wants any mention of God and religion silenced. 
 
If a Republican decides he needs health care, he goes about shopping for it, or may choose a job that provides it.  If a Democrat decides he needs health care, he demands that the rest of us pay for his. 
 
If a Republican reads this, he'll forward it so his friends can have a good laugh.  A Democrat will delete it because he's "offended".
 

                                                             

                                                                    

 

                       This is a work in progress so check back often ..

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